The Morning Wood: A UCF Fan's Guide to Surviving Columbus

Good morning, and welcome to today's edition of The Morning Wood.

Today's edition will come in the form of a "Survival Guide" for the UCF Knights as they travel to Columbus this weekend to take on Ohio State. We're going right into the fray today, so without further ado.

It's a bird, it's a plane....

___________________________________________________________


This weekend, the Florida Tech Citronauts travel deep into the heart of darkness when they visit the "Horseshow" at Ohio State. The "Horseshow", a horseshoe shaped stadium filled with Sarah Jessica Parker-esque co-eds, will no doubt be chock full of irrational, drunk, loud shouting Ohillbillians cheering on the Emperor of Darkness in his second game as head coach of the Buckeyes.

Prepare your anus. 

Before you ask, it's important to note that of all the teams in Division 1 college football, the two teams I hate the most are Ohio State and UCF, so this blog post will both incredibly sweet for me to write, but also incredibly bias. My Ohio State hatred is deep rooted from my Michigan blood. This needs no further explanation. My UCF hatred stems from having to deal with an unreasonable fan base who thinks they are far superior than anything that has ever existed despite accomplishing virtually nothing as an academic or athletic institution.

For years, UCF went full butthurt, complaining that its nearest rival USF, wouldn't schedule games against them after going 4-0 in the brief intrastate rivalry. But when USF tried to schedule UCF this season instead of traveling to Nevada, despite USF offering to come to the Citrus Bowl virtually making it a home game for the Knights, they declined.

UCF fans consistently troll message boards of its upcoming opponents, making fierce Juggalo-ish comments about how "UCF RULES" and "YOUR TEAM BLOWS".

The biggest knock on UCF fan is that approximately 100% of their student body have something in common: They were all rejected from The University of Florida. So much so, that UCF has it's own built in Gator Fan Club.

I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised that many of the UCF fan base will see this game as a revenge game. UCF fans, being inherent Gator fans, probably hate Urban Meyer with every fiber of their being. Their REAL head coach abandoned them in their eyes. Hell, even their own head coach has a hard time getting people in Orlando to fill the stadium. This is an actual quote from George O'Leary:

This year, head coach George O'Leary has a new plan to fill BHNS (Bright House Networks Field): invite the enemies and create hybrid fans.  "You should be a Gator-Knight," O'Leary told an audience at the Rotary Club of Orlando. 

"If the Gators aren't playing, we're the hometown team.  I'm not telling you -- don't root for your team... But, Seminole-Knight, Hurricane-Knight.  Support your hometown team." 

The Knights have only been a Division-I team since 1996 and are playing 'catch-up' in several regards in comparison to the major football programs in the Sunshine State, especially the 'tradition' category. 

"We've come a long way in a short period of time, we really have," said O'Leary in front of a crowd of about 75.  "But, you have to get behind your hometown team."  

Are you bored after watching your own team dominate real competition? Do you like football? Do you like watching a bunch of shirtless Valencia Community College grads jump up and down in unison to shitty techno music? Well, have I got a deal for you. You live in our town, you should come to our stadium! You don't even have to like us, we just need bodies to fill the seats. We're tired of having to digitize the crowd animations from Madden 13 into our broadcasts. We'd like real people to fill it for once. 

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

But we here at the Crackback Blog are always looking out for the greater good. 

SURVIVING COLUMBUS:

1. Zero eye contact. It's bad enough that you've driven to America's butt hole to watch a football game. It's going to be even worse if you're forced to attempt communication with the locals, you're risking leaving the conversation dumber than you already are, good sir. IF YOU SEE A WEIRD LOOKING OLD MAN WEARING A BOW TIE, DO NOT ENGAGE, I REPEAT, DO NOT ENGAGE. 

Obligatory Gordon Gee Flashmob.... Gee at around the 2:35 mark. 


2. Wear Black. Most of the UCF supporters in attendance will be wearing black to support the Citronauts, err, Knights. You should too. It'll be easy to distinguish yourself apart from the people who look exactly like you, but are wearing red and butt-chugging Four Loko. 
(Wonder if that couch still exists or was burned after the game)

3. Don't drink the water. No further explanation needed. 

4. Take a backup shirt. Let's be honest. When the going gets tough, the tough switch shirts. I've heard many a Gator fan say this to Knights fans. "I'm wearing my Gator shirt because I went to UF, you're wearing yours because you went to Wal Mart." Instead of packing your trusty Gator backup that you slip on to avoid embarassment, simply swap it out for an Ohio State shirt. A plentiful stock can also be found at the Columbus Wal Mart. The key, win or lose, is to blend in. If UCF is victorious, the last thing you want to be seen in is a UCF shirt. If UCF loses, the last thing you want to be seen in is a UCF shirt. It's a win win. You're goal is to survive. You don't respect your school when you're at home, why respect it on the road?

5. Party hard. Few towns in America kill more braincells on Saturdays than Columbus, Ohio. It's literally all they have. There is no other successful teams in all of Ohio. You're legitimately seeing Ohioans at their best. It's hell for them everyday after. Enjoy yourself. Be safe. 


Follow me, @MarktheNomad

I give this Twitter address out with moderate fear for what my mentions will become after this is published.

Boys amongst Men

As the last seconds ticked off the clock, the Crimson Tide players celebrated accordingly. They had just demolished the No. 8 team in the nation on the national stage. Every phase of the game fell in Alabama's favor. It wasn't close. The game was over before the start of the second quarter. All the questions that lingered going into the season we're answered with authority:

Could the Crimson Tide replicate the same defensive dominance despite losing nine players? Yes. A resounding yes. They held Michigan to 269 yards of total offense, and it wasn't even that close. Michigan benefited from garbage yards on big plays for the bulk of their output.

This is AJ McCarron's team now. How will he lead them now that Trent Richardson, Marquis Maze and Darius Hanks are gone?
McCarron played brilliantly. Despite only completing 11 passes, he controlled the game and gave what the defense offered. Most of his incompletions came when he rushed the pass or overshot his wide open receiver. I suspect McCarron will be a dark horse Heisman candidate as the season progresses.

Can Eddie Lacy and TJ Yeldon carry the load?
Lacy who? Yeldon had 11 carries for 110 yards. 10 yards a carry. Need a first down? Here, TJ, go get us a first down. His combination of size, speed and agility will have Alabama fans drooling of the future potential. He's a stud. It regularly took four to five Michigan defenders to bring him to the ground.

______

As someone who has followed Michigan his whole life, I can't remember watching a game and seeing Michigan so unbelievably outmatched and outclassed by the opponent. They were the boys amongst men. This is by no means bellyaching. I was legitimately impressed with everything Alabama did. Michigan had no business being on that field last night.

Talent: Advantage Alabama
Size: Advantage Alabama
Toughness: Advantage Alabama
Speed: Advantage Alabama

I turned to my wife sometime during the second quarter, in between tweets about butter sculptures and skittles, and said "It looks like a high school team playing a college team." I meant it. It legitimately looked like Alabama was bigger and stronger and faster than anything Michigan could offer. They were huge and physically opposing. At the end of the game, I had a bit of a revelation:

Recruiting doesn't matter. 

Let that sink in for a minute.

Recruiting doesn't matter. It's what you do with those recruits that matters. Simple as that. Alabama consistently has one of the top recruiting classes in the nation. No team is better than Alabama at maximizing that talent.

Florida and Texas both had the No. 1 and No. 3 recruiting classes in 2010. These kids should be juniors or redshirt sophomores by now. Florida? Can't handle Bowling Green. Texas? Struggled with Wyoming for a half. Both teams struggled to mediocrity in 2011 because they didn't maximize the talent they had.

Most teams in the country would kill to have their rosters. They squander their talent. Alabama does not. Hell, according to Scout.com, Texas has claimed a Top 3 recruiting class for the last three years. Yet, where are the results? Notre Dame is notorious for having stellar, talent filled recruiting classes that fall flat on their faces when facing adversity. Recruiting matters in a sense that if you have talented players, you can probably overpower teams that don't have the same talent. But what about playing teams with equal talent? How is Alabama hands down better at maximizing their talent? This dude:

That's Scott Cochran. You may have never heard of him. That's because he has a glory free position on the Alabama coaching staff. He's the Director of Strength and Conditioning. Cochran should get as much credit for the success of the Crimson Tide's success as Nick Saban or Kirby Smart. He helps mold the heat seeking missiles of death on the field that Saban and Smart deploy on Saturdays.

Alabama has the total package: Great coach, great coordinators, and superiorly athletes. The result? 41-14.

Ouch, bro. 

The silver lining for Michigan is that despite this drubbing, they're likely still a Top-3 team in the Big 10. That's sad, but true. If they learn from this loss and try to hit half as hard as Alabama hit on Saturday they'll be fine. Losing players like Countess and Lewan doesn't help, but they're still very talented...for the Big 10. They have a shot to beat every team they face....in the Big 10. They'll face stiff competition against Michigan State, but by no means is Michigan State anywhere near what the Crimson Tide just trotted out on the field. They're just not ready for the big stage yet. Hopefully the 'yet' is temporary.

According to the rankings, Michigan is doing very well on the recruiting trail. But it's what they do with that talent that will separate them from the pack.